Cranky Bitch

February 8, 2011

That would be me.

Or certainly me in the last few days.  This is how I get when something is bothering me and I either don’t feel I understand the nature of it or I don’t know what to do about it.  And now that I’ve quit drinking it is that much harder to hide from the fact that I am indeed BOTHERED.

So I take the cowardly, lazy path of bitchiness which no one sees as clearly as my children.  And then I feel miserable and guilty and get, generally, back on the path of DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

I was terribly cranky and impatient today and my kids’ behavior reflected that.  Fun.  Fun, fun, fun.  But in spite of that, the day still ended with me kissing and hugging them goodnight and soon after listening to their sleeping breaths.  After that I crawled into a hot bath with a book and tried to reboot my psychological state.  As I enjoyed these final moments of the day, I remembered how I began it.  At 6am I was awakened by a perky 5 year old girl who climbed into my dark bed and cuddled and giggled with me until my alarm went off.

I would like to say I forgot all about why I was cranky.  Nah.  But I did realize how lucky I am and how, ultimately, I have everything I need to get through what is on my mind.  And now I am going to go to bed early and try to remember that when I awake.

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